Being in the environment is as though I've never left, a lot of things I do and places I go to are still somewhat automatic to me. It is as though I only have to turn on the autopilot button and BAM! I know what I'm doing. But it is in the relationships with people that have tugged at my heart and makes me wonder how I can walk away again for the second time.
With each meet-up, I realise more and more how precious our friendship is to me... all the memories are not just merely memories, but they mean something and is almost like a block in a building that has been put there to strengthen what has already been built. Memories that are so tiny and yet, when paired with actions in the present, it can stir something in your heart so strong and tug at something so deep you wonder why you could have ever let this go. It's familiar, it's warm, it's what you have lived with your whole life and nothing can ever replace those things and especially those people in your life. People who know what you are wanting to say when you seem hesitant to express yourself, people who know what you are thinking in your silences because they have seen that expression on your face countless of times, people whom you don't have to explain yourself to because they know your history, people who accept you no matter how you have left and moulded again. There is a foundation there, a foundation that is called 'Trust'.
What surprised me this time coming home is how touched I have been by my friends' words and actions. I didn't know that I could be so happy and feel so at peace to see them happy, I didn't know they would be so happy and relieved to see me happy too, I didn't know some of them would intentionally organise a gathering and practice awing hospitality, I didn't know people would bother to take the initiative and... come look for me, I didn't know they would remember my likes, my dislikes and recalling the memories we have shared together. I have missed being around these people, some of whom I have known almost a decade, I have missed being completely relaxed and chilled and loving just being in their company. I have missed our times together. My heart hurts and at the thought of having to leave it all behind again, the internal conflict is too great to be described.
Being abroad, I have now truly learnt the precious values of my relationships back home.
But I must go again, because my journey in HK has not finished and if I were to let that go now, I would have cut something short. There are people there that I have started building something together with, although it's very different, but perhaps it is another important lesson for me to learn and another treasure to obtain. And I've realised, I need to know myself and it is only outside the bounds of comfort zone can I do come to know myself and somehow accept all the weaknesses and strengths I have not been able to before.
